you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
