i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
