We're facebook friends in real life
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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