so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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