I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We had to coat check the pizza.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Randomize
