i wish my penis had a tongue
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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