I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I didn't notice because vodka
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
