I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
