Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
