I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
