Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
