This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
