i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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