He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
