My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
