Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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