someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
