it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
