They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
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I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
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I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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