So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
