i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
