...so i touched it.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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