I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
