There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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