he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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