I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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