it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
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Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
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Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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