I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
