He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
