Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
