So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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