Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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