Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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