The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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