btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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