chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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