After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
