i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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