I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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