What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
MIDGETS
????
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize