Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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