I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
