You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
