dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
