If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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