Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
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Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
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Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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