I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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