I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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