VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
