i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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