well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
