I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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