i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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