if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
