Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
