drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
