My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
