Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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