Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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