you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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