He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
