Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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