the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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