I am midnight drunk by noon
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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