it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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