You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
