I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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