Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
