my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
In America we eat man semen.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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