He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
