sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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